Ordinary radicals
Two ordinary families answered the call to look after our modern-day orphans—and have made an extraordinary difference to children growing up in foster care.
They may insist they’re just everyday people, but one family’s radical act of love has forever changed the lives of four siblings in foster care. When Andrea and John Lopdell—along with their four birth children—signed up to do foster care, they had no idea of the extraordinary journey awaiting them. But the signposts had been slowly revealing themselves over the years.
'We’ve always been mission-minded and were always interested in orphanage work,’ says Andrea, as she cradles a 15-month-old girl on her knee, and a three month-old baby sleeps in his bouncer.
After having four of their own children, the couple—who attend The Salvation Army’s Miramar Corps—started to think seriously about orphanage work or adopting from overseas. They got in touch with Oranga Tamariki, the New Zealand agency for foster care and adoption: ‘We went to an information evening, but that night we discovered the immense need that is in our own backyard, and we really had no idea of how desperate the need was and how many kids there are in the system. Immediately, it felt like this is what we’re going to do, obviously. It
was so obvious to us.’
There are currently around 6000 children and young people in foster care in New Zealand, due to severe abuse or neglect. By far the greatest need is for foster parents to look after children for a time, while social workers assist families so their children can return safely to them.
Andrea and John took a giant leap of faith, building another dwelling on their family property to accommodate extra children. But nothing could have prepared them for the realities of transitional foster care: ‘Our first foster children were a newborn and a three-year-old. We had them for seven months, and that near broke me when they left. It was just so incredibly difficult, I actually had to have two goes at handing the baby over—I felt like I was abandoning him.’
Despite the heartbreak, the Lopdells have now taken in 30 foster children— with an average stay of about seven months. Andrea prepares for their departure by creating photo albums that include letters from her, so that the children can grow up knowing they are loved.
‘It’s not a comfortable thing to do and there is plenty of sacrifice,’ admits Andrea. ‘It’s just a sacrifice that we see as worth it. At our church we give money to missions, and that’s an awesome thing to do. But pulling a couple of coins out of our wallet costs us nothing in terms of actual sacrifice.
‘The joyful part is giving them a home and sometimes seeing little signs that it is making a diff erence for them. It’s when you catch up with kids that have been with us and they’re doing really well—you can’t even describe how that feels,’ she says.
Giving your life over
But the Lopdell’s lives were to take another radical departure, when a two-year-old arrived in their care. He already had three other placements break down because of his difficult behaviour. ‘He came to us with a head full of lice, he had no speech so he was very frustrated, and he would just scream these bloodcurdling screams through the night,’ recalls Andrea. ‘It was very hard to comfort him, and he couldn’t sleep by himself, so I started off with him falling asleep on my knee. Little by little, he started to get to know us and trust us.’
During these incredibly difficult days, the family discovered a profound truth: ‘We got very, very attached to him, because it was such an investment so early on. You literally give your life over for them, and that creates an incredibly strong bond.’
Almost a year went by, and no permanent home could be found for the toddler. So the Lopdells decided to make the ultimate commitment and give him a Home for Life. Soon, an older sibling joined him. Since then, the birth mother has had two more children, who have also joined the family—the youngest is only three months old. They have committed to giving all the siblings a Home for Life and today have a lively family of eight children.
But Andrea and John are still passionate about walking alongside families, so they can better care for their children themselves. ‘The mother to our foster children is such a lovely girl, but is in such abusive relationships—she was beaten so badly when she was pregnant with one child that she had to spend two months in hospital and they didn’t think the baby would survive in utero.’ But she did survive. And, today, the children are thriving. This Mother’s Day, the family have invited the siblings’ birth mother to join them in celebrations. ‘To be able to build that relationship and make a difference to the mother, too, feels like such a privilege,’ reflects Andrea.
A fire in their hearts
It was a heart for seeing children thriving in families that first captivated Ewen and Gillian Laurenson, who founded New Zealand’s Christian foster care agency Open Home Foundation, in 1977.
Like the Lopdells, they had a heart for mission and had worked as missionaries in Tonga. Having adopted two children, they had a dream of providing foster care—in their retirement.
But soon after their return home to Wellington, they were offered a voluntary position as house parents for a church family group home. This is accommodation for young people who, because of their difficult behaviours, can’t be placed in ordinary families. Family Group Homes still operate today.
They were charged with caring for six highly troubled teens. ‘Those two years really broke us,’ says Ewen honestly. ‘The kids were very difficult, and from very traumatised backgrounds— some came from institutional care, there was drug involvement, criminal activity, some walked the fine line between sanity and insanity. It shattered that dream of building a stable, loving family environment where kids could feel they belong.’
But, while they were still there, they happened upon a book called Love is an Open Door. ‘It was a call for all Christians to open their homes and hearts to care for needy children. It is not an optional call, it is an injunction from the Lord to care for the orphan and the needy that we see from Genesis to Revelation. If the Christian community really picked that up and went for it, we would empty our institutions.’
With a fire burning in their hearts, Gillian and Ewen began to dream of a Christian agency that would see every foster child safe and nurtured with a Christian family. At a meeting, the couple shared the idea with other organisations—including The Salvation Army—expecting them to take up the vision. Until, one day, they got a call from Presbyterian Support Services asking if their ‘new agency’ would take in a young girl. They said yes.
Initially, the newly-formed Open Home Foundation placed children with three families from around Wellington. Miracle after miracle happened. Referrals were coming in quicker than they could keep pace, and families from the wider Christian community put up their hands to care for children. Ewen and Gillian converted the basement of their Wellington home into
bedrooms without any financial cost, as people rallied to help.
Soon it became clear that Ewen would have to leave his paid job to devote himself to the fledgling ministry—and so, they took another leap of faith.
At the beginning, families came to the Open Home Foundation voluntarily, and their motto became ‘families helping families’.
‘It was all about working with the natural family and asking, “What’s wrong? What’s the stress?” And then endeavouring to improve things so one day the child could go back home—if
not to their immediate family, then to the wider family,’ says Ewen. It’s a concept since adopted by our government agencies, and today is considered best practice in foster care.
One young boy who the Laurensons took in at the age of seven became a permanent family member. The mother had a bipolar disorder, and doctors eventually said she would never
be able to care for him by herself. Instead, the mother became part of the family, too.
‘One day, she rang and she had been baptised in the spirit in her room. She was almost illiterate, but she could read the Bible. She spent hours on our couch reading the Bible, it was
extraordinary,’ says Gillian.
But circumstances continued to be extremely difficult, with the mother’s health failing. As an adult, the son was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He is still part of the family and continues
to be loved and cared for.
‘A family—that’s what every troubled, unhappy youngster needs, a family to care for them. That’s what motivated us. Kids must have a family, somewhere long term where they’re safe and loved,’ says Ewen.
Why can’t the church do this?
One of the comments Andrea hears the most is: ‘I could never do what you’re doing’. She admits to finding it a little frustrating. ‘I’m not any different from anyone. Of course not everybody s able to do it. But a lot of people are.’
Like the Open Home Foundation, she is also passionate about the Christian community caring for our modern-day orphans. One five-year-old girl came to them for transition when a Home for Life placement broke down after only six weeks. When she left their care after seven months, the Lopdells stayed in touch and she continued to go to church with them. After a year, her second Home for Life fell over. Then, recently, another Home for Life broke down.
‘Yes, she’s angry. She’s got a right to be angry. She’s now eight and she’s on a very negative cycle, so it’s really amazing that she is part of our church, she has a relationship with God
and church is important to her. This girl is a true orphan that needs a family so desperately. There has to be somebody in the church that can take her. You think, “Why can’t the church
find a way to do this?”’
Ewen admits that choosing to dedicate their lives to loving the sometimes unlovable ‘has not always been a swimmingly nice journey’—at times they have even been in physical danger.
‘But our lives have been very rich. God has been faithful through the ups and downs. Open Home Foundation came about by the grace of God, and it spread through people with the love of God in their hearts taking on the role sacrificially.
‘The vision is still the same—of loving homes, Christian homes, open to children in every town, city and village in the land.’
‘It can be crazy and hard, and there are frequently tears,’ sums up Andrea. ‘But it’s worth it.’
The Ways You Can Care
Respite: Give a foster or birth family who are struggling a break.
Emergency: On-call to take children in when they are in imminent danger and need urgent care.
Transitional: The greatest need in New Zealand is foster parents who can provide a safe place for children until they are able to return home, from a few weeks to several months.
Home for Life: Giving a permanent home to a child for life, where they are taken out of the foster care system and into your family.
OPEN HOME FOUNDATION | www.ohf.org.nz
ORANGA TAMARIKI | www.orangatamariki.govt.nz
By Ingrid Barratt (c) 'War Cry' magazine,4 May 2019, p6-9 - You can read 'War Cry' at your nearest Salvation Army church or centre, or subscribe through Salvationist Resources.